My Priceless Footmark

CHAPTER I AMONG THE EARTH

a. Mom’s Pregnancy

I never know before, who are my parents? What am I? Who am I? Where am I?
But, I was in a beautiful place, like a paradise, I guess. I got love, care and affection. I heard a beautiful sound, a sound of caring. My mother was reading Al-Qur’an, I guess that she wishes for my best.
But you know what? When I was a third mounts of her pregnancy, I felt that something bad was happened. My body was shaken. My heart and my soul were worried. My mother was smashed. The ambulance came and picked my mother up. She lied down on the hospital bed. My father was so worried about her and of course me. But no problem! We were okay at that time. There were not something serious problem of us.
I felt happy when I knew that my mother recovered from sickness. We were doing our ordinary as usual. Shopping, doing the household, praying and something alike.
But, when my mother went to shopping at the market, I felt uncomfortable, I felt hot, I was screaming to my mother. I wanted to come out. My mother got illness because of me. I was sorry, mom….
The people on there were so panics. They didn’t know how to pick mom up to the hospital nearby that place. So, they pick my mother up and used the vegetables truck.
My father came to the hospital district and at 13.30, 10 December 1991; the baby girl was born in a great mom, Entin Sumartini as a wife of the great dad, Nandang Saepudin Anshor with a weight 3 kg. Because of the beautiful creature of The God, Allah SWT, my parents also gave the beautiful name, Silvina Nugrahwati. But, do you know the meaning of that name? Silvina is come from the Arabic word which means “relate to them”, and Nugrah means “a gift from God” and Wati means “a woman”. So, Silvina Nugrahwati means “a woman gift from God, Allah to always make relationship with the other”. I think that name is very beautiful, isn’t it? But, its name was decided after the other choice came to my father’s mind. Actually, he would give name for his first baby was Tina. Tina was come from the abbreviation of my parents. “Ti” comes from Tini as my mom and “Na” comes from Nandang as my dad. But he thought that it was not a commercial name. So, it made “Silvina Nugrahwati” as the best name.
After I came to the real world, I lived at Kebon Kalapa with my parents and also my grand mother and grand father. Because my father still lived with his parents, he had not house at that time. He was a collage student at Nusantara Islamic University and my mother was a trader in the market. Occasionally, before my father decided to continue his study, he was an employee in the textile company. But because he was slept at the time he worked, so he had to lie off. He took English department for two semesters, and then moved to Education Out School department because of his unconfident self in English.

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b. Slow but Sure (little progress)
Everyday, when I would to sleep, my mother always sang a song, here the song:

Bubuy.. bulan,,
Bubuy bulan,, sangrai bentang
Panon,, poe,,
Panon poe oge hade
Situ ciburuy laukna hese di pancing
Nyeredet hate
Ninggali ngeplak caina
Duh eta saha
Nu ngalangkung unggal enjing
Nyeredet hate
Ninggali sorot socana

So, I always remember that song until now. It was not because of the beauty of that song, but also a woman that sang that song; she is my mother, my best mother. At that time, I really wanted to say that I love her and I also wanted to say thanks for everything she done for me. But I couldn’t say anything. I just could to cry, smile and laugh to show my feel.





1.1 When I was four years old, I was lied down on the table where my aunt lives. They always called me “akew” because they think that I was like Chinese. You could guess it when you see my eyes.

They; my mom and my dad, also replied my progress with great hope and proud. Now, I was eight months old, but I still could to talk and to crawl on hands and knees. But my parents didn’t angry and disappointed to me. They were supported and supported me sincerely.
At the first birthday, I still couldn’t to stand up and to walk; even I couldn’t to crawl on hands and knees. But I give them something special; I could say something and also anything. Thanks God…
I tried to move from one place to another without crawl, but I had one way to do that; ‘ngesot’ (you know that I look like ‘suster ngesot’ hhe,). I always worried if I tried to walk. I don’t know why I always fallen when tried it.
My mother was busy at that time when I was one and half year old. Because she was not a trader at the hut but she was an employee at the company where my father ever worked. While my father was a college and he worked when his father asked him to buy leather for his small company; he is a seller of shoes that made by him.
So, I was taken care of my grand mother. I accompanied her for garden grow after that my skin was be dark. Because of the sun light that burned my skin.
My grand mother always cut my hair, especially bangs. But she used to cut so short. And it made me uncomforted. She just smile and said “do not worry, so you will not have a haircut next month”
But, I love her very much. She gave me everything, especially love, grand mother’s love. Actually I couldn’t have the real love from my grand father. He passed away since I was not in the earth. I know him just from my parent’s and my relatives’ story. But is not a problem for me because I had another grand father. He loves me too and care of me.
Now, let us back to my profile. I don’t know why my father treats me like a man. He gave me everything that boy likes. He bought me fire toys, he wear me t-shirt like boy have, such as Jiban, Power Ranger, car, and something alike. He used to cut my hair short. It made some people supposed me a boy. Shame on me..






1.2 This was my boyish appearance…

But, I don’t know sometimes I was feminism as a girl, I mean a real girl. I wore dress with a long hair cut. You can look from this picture. It is my mother, my family and I







1.3 This was my mother, Enda, Ashar, fahrul, Dika and I who was wearing a check shirt was so girlish

Then, my mother said that when I was child I was really like ice cream, and stopping every hawker though it was a boboko hawker.

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C. My loving Family
I am born and raised in the big family. I have a lot of brother and sister. I used to play with my relatives age. Our age is involved three mounts; they are Fahrul, Ashar and Dika. Every time we used to play together. We showed our cheerful childhood in every time and every where. Even though, we made our grand father mad at us. He chased us until we felt tired out.
But our grand father was so kind to us; he gave us gift when we got 8 in our rapport.
We were so sad at the time when my grand father is passed away. He is passed away when I was forth grade. I could not stop crying because I really lose him, but I know God loves him so much.
I got a little brother when I was sixth grade. I got a great gift from God, we actually. So, my member of our family was added.

1.4 Here were my family; my dad, mom, my little brother when he was 8 months and I when I was seventh grade




CHAPTER II BEST FRIENDS IN MY DAYS

a. The new experiences
School was one of my dreams. I used to cry when I saw someone wearing a uniform for studying. I asked my mom to wear me a uniform too. But at that day, I was really wore it for studying. I was very happy. I was accompanied my mom happily. But, when I saw every student there, I was worried. I was afraid with the people that I didn’t know. But mom said,”Don’t worry, you will be okay there.”
Before I was in Elementary School, I was in religious School named IPMAJA. I learnt about reciting Al-Qur’an, Tadjwid, Fiqh and how to worship. I studied there until I was in fourth grade because my house moved.
In the last semester in my Islamic School, I used to show my performance with my others friends like singing, recite Al-qur’an and dancing saman. Here was the photo:




1.5 I was in the second left side, my father took my picture

In 1997, I was a student of Tenjolaya I Elementary School. It was my first day in that school. I was taught by Miss. Mulyani. But we just call her Bu Yani. She is very kind and I love her very much. She taught every student that could not to read and write patiently.
I entered the class room. Girl in a curly hair greet me, she asked what my name is and asked me to sit with her. Named Alma, she is my first classmate there, except my brothers, Fahrul and Ashar. We started to be a best friend. We used to go to school and come back home together.
When, our teacher was teaching us about reading, a boy where beside me was look at me. He asked my name and wanted to be my friend. Actually he was my neighbor, but I never knew about him before. His name is Alit. I am sure that you will guess that he was a small boy. But you are wrong, he was a big boy, I thought.
In the following day, the teacher asked us to gather with B class. I cried; I didn’t want to do that. I knew that B class was naughty boys. But, I tried to face a new atmosphere. But, I could not. I was bored all they long. You could guess my personality. I am hard to assimilate with strange people.
Day after day I spent with my friend, Alma and Alit. But, in the second grade, Alit moved to the other school. It made Alma and I was so sad. In the following year, Alma was also leaving me. I couldn’t meet her even in her house. He moved to the other city. So, I have to look for new friend to sit beside me.
At that day, Nuning was my close friend. She was as kind as Alma. She lives beside our school. So, when we were taking arrest, we used to visit her.
It was time for us to come home. I eat my breakfast and going to play with my friends. I asked Aat to play with me. We used to play a Barbie, but, I did not know why sometimes she mad at me, she did not want to play with me and showing how hatred she was.
But in the following day, she came to my house and asking me play with her. We played together without felt that something was happen to us. We also played with the others friend like Andri, Yayang, Pipit, Endes, Rini, and others to make our playing more cheerful. We used to play “ucing-ucingan”. But sometimes, I used to be ‘anak bawang” in this play. I used to fall when I run.
I do not understand why sometimes my best friend away from me, not me playing. I felt sad moment. But there were others who faithfully accompanied me at that time. They were Pipit and Andri. We played together, without caring that I was being bullied. I felt marginalize.
I did not matter for me when I back to my school. They were very kind. They greeted me sincerely.

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b. Girl Don’t cries!
My father was young at heart. So when after the day he taught at an educational foundation, which is at a high school, he was always playing racquetball with a friend at night. Plus my mother is assigned to work nights. Father left me alone at home at night to play badminton. I was sleeping at the time of course. But, when I got up then I found that no one there I used to cry because I was so terrified. I hate to be alone.
My neighbor was coming and soothing me. When I could not to be calm and could not stop to crying, they caught up with my dad and asked him to come home. So, after that I could to sleep.
Then, when my mother was going to work at night, I used to hold her hand or biting her clothe so that I would feel that my mother was going to go for work. But finally, I used to miss my mother. I did not know when he went to work.
Then, I used to go to school alone. My father just crossed me and waiting for me to take the public transportation. I played with my friends as usual. But when I had to move from Pansor, I lost my friends and I was so sad. I moved to Warung Peuteuy. I went to school by walk. When I was on the way home, someone was following me. I walked faster, he was the same. I ran. He kept chasing me. He threw the soil and rocks. I cried the whole way. But no one would help me.
I hugged my father and told him what had happened. He stroked my hair, wiped my tears and calmed me down. I still someone. I still remember it, someone who has hurt me. He has scars on her cheeks. And I met him again when I SMA. I really hate him. But now I have to forgive bad memories of my childhood.
In my new environment, I had to adjust myself. There, no children age me. So I just had a friend of the son of a maid owner of the rented house and that my parents and I now occupied. I don’t know what her name is, but I keep remember when we spent our child happily.
She used to ask me to play in her employer’s house. The owner was kindly. So she let us played in her house. She considered us as her own family. We can play with the toys in her house at will as long as we do not damage the piece. I used to take bath there. I liked it very much, because it had a shower.
I felt uncomfortable there. The children surrounding, especially girls was so unkind. They showed that they hated me. But I move on and slighting them. I used to go to Mang Opik hut in front of the gate of Al-Falah Boarding School. I used to buy a pap though I am not a baby. But the taste is delicious.
Then I don’t know exactly why I used to fall when I was running. It also happened when my mom asked me to pass the plat in the kitchen. I ran because the little cat was allowing me. Then I fall down and making my knee was bloody; Splattered blood, skin flakes, and pus out. That accident made me hate cat. So, if I meet with cat, I feel afraid. The fluffy of the cat make me feel tickled.
The people said that when we used to fall down, it could be mean we will get a little sister/brother. Sometimes I hope that the mite was true. So, I often asked my parents a little sister to accompany me playing anytime and anywhere. But my father said that I would get a sister if I was a sixth grade of Elementary School.
When I was a fourth grade, my mother was told by a midwife that she would get a baby. She got pregnant and I was so happy.
But when the age of her pregnancy was fourth months, my mother had a miscarriage. The baby in her merciful had to be come out. My sister is passed away. I was so sad. I could not stop my tears. I really want to have a little sister. Even, I had prepared the name for my sister. Good bye…
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c. Introduction to “Love”
In the fifth grade, I started to feel to fall in love. I do not know, but I think it just a merely love. He was my foe. We never had been a good friend. He used to make me angry. We were the opposite way, but that is a shameful for me. I was fall in love with him. My others friend also said the same way. But he and I did not admit that. He used to mock me, mistreated me, and did the others bad things.
Everything in my life, he used to give a bad comment. Because of that, my friends matched me with him. But, I do not want. As I know, he used to make me ashamed. He told to his friends that he loved me. So, if I went to the hut behind my house, the people there, especially his friends used to make me shy.
Back to my education, I was a fifth grade. I was taught by Mrs. Atikah. He is a kind person. She cares us sincerely. She was my class master. He keep taught me though I was hard to understand math subject. She used to criticize us. But, we never felt sad or angry with her. Because the way she criticizes was so funny. She is fussy but interesting teacher. I love her so much.
We were not taught how to cheat when exam and we were tried not to make cheating as our ordinary. So, when some of us were cheating, the others student used to tell our teacher.
At that time, I also began to introduce best friend. Beside Nuning, Fitri, Winda and Soffi were my best friends. It also added, when Puspa and Nunun became a new comer in our class. We called our group as Rainbow Fish. It was taken by the famous cartoon film at that time. The story was about friendship among the fishes.
I also had a new friend. I join scouts. We had ever followed a scout’s championship. I was in healthy section and symbol. Though I was not a winner but our group has been a winner.
I used to follow kinds of scout’s activities, such as inaugurations and torch parade.
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d. A Fun life
When my teacher gave my rapport of the last semester, I felt so surprise. It was a bad surprise, I think. I got a bad score. I got six in some of my subject. I was so sad at that time. I was so worried if my mother would angry with me. So, I lied. I changed some of the score. So that it was seems a good score. But, my mother kept angry with me. My mother compared my score with Fitri, my best friend. I did not know why she was better than I. but one moral which we can get do not ever try to lie and be layer.
I was sixth grade then. I taught by Mr. Dede. He is kind teacher. He made us better than before. He did not explain more about tha material. He let us tried to own. If one of us could not do the task, she/he had to go forward. In front of others, she/he was explained by Mr. Dede and trying to explain as he had given by him/her.
If one of us were doing the bad things, they had to stand in front of the others student. Then, the others student decided to make a punishment for them.
When the break time was coming, we used to buy a meal or drink. After that, my friends and I used to play a traditional game which is called “galah”. We used to play it in the basket field.
galah as far as I know that it cant never played alone. You need at least 7-10 people each group and only 2 groups will be playing this game. It’s just the same as to 'rounders'. You need to play this game over a tennis or badminton court. Each player from the opposition group will stand guard on each middle line. The other group needs to pass by all this guards without them touching you. You need to cross all lines until the end of the lines. Then, after all players passed this, they will be declared winner. We can play it in the school yard or like us in the basket field. The field which has lines square makes us easy to play this fun game.


















Beside it, we used to play “loncat tinggi”, basket ball, and sometimes football, even though we did not play the ball but the ball played us.

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e. A great gift
When I was doing the scout’s exercise, my father came to my school. He asked me to go along him to the hospital because my mother was struggle.
At 12.00 my little brother was born in 12 April 2003. My father’s wish was granted. I had little sister when I was in sixth grade. His name is Luthfi Rabby Radhiya. It means a kind young generation. Amin.
Though I hoped to have a little sister but I love him as my brother.
My friendship was closer and closer. I felt hard to let them go beside me. It was the examination. We were so worried if we did not pass it. We wanted to continue to junior high school, so we were study hard to face the examination.
Our struggle in facing the examination was getting a good result. All of us were passing the national examination.
I had to decide where I want to continue my school. My parents gave me two choices; Bina Muda Junior High School or PPI 24 boarding School. I was so confuse at that time. I want to join my brothers, they choose PPI 24 Boarding School but I was not like when I have to far away my parents. So, I decided to choose Bina Muda Junior High School.
I have signed into junior high, but have not finished my practice exams. My friends and I had to dance in the basket field in front of the others student as an examination of artistic practice. It's an embarrassing thing for me. I have to dance to the accompaniment of dangdut songs. We wore a red shirt and the others student laugh at us.
I enliven the event by following the choir When the farewell party. We wore school uniforms by wearing red ribbons in our hair. We sang a folk song which has title “sapu nyere pegat simpay” compactly.
Sapu Nyere Pegat Simpay

Ririungan urang karumpul
meumpeung deukeut hayu rang sosonoan
Macangkrama bari ngawadul
urang silih tempas silih eledan
Moal lila jeung babaturan
hiji wanci anu geus ditangtukeun
Bakal pisah bakal pajauh
bakal mapohokeun katineung urang
Sapu nyerepegat simpai bakal kasorang takdir
ti Gusti Hyang Widi pasti kalakon
Urang rek papisah urang rek pajauh
meumpeung deu keut hayu rang sosonoan

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CHAPTER III MY FIRST COMPLICATED
a. My new friends
It was time for me to enter junior high school selection test. I wore an Elementary School uniform; long-sleeved shirts, short skirts, long socks, and wearing the veil. It looks tacky and ridiculous.
Why I wear a veil there? Bina MUda Junior High School is Islamic-based school. It is not an Islamic Boarding School but adding the Islamic matter or subject more then the others school.
I was admitted into the junior high school. I was in class VII A. It made me familiar with their new friends. Winda was also my classmate there. While, Nuning was in class C. I was bench with Amalia. I never know if she will be my best friend.
Day after day was passed. I have a lot of friends there. I also found new close friends there; Windu, Faisal, Amalia, Siti Aminah, Evi Nur aliyah and so on. I had also a group which called WANSES. It is stand for Winda, Amalia, Nuning, Silvi, Evi, and Siti.
In the class, Amalia and I competed in the lesson. When the odd semester exam, I was ranked third, while Amalia ranked fourth. I studied even harder to achieve best value in the second semester. Finally I could be a first rank in my class. So, I got a scholarship; free of charge in the next semester.
My friends and I also join the computer course in LPK Bina Muda. There, we learnt any kind of computerize. We also got a sertificate from that course but I loss that sertificate because my mother said that I was careless.
In the next semester I also got a first rank, while Amalia got a second rank. I got a scholarship again. I do not know why I could get a first rank but it may cause of my study hard. It was some surprise of me because since I was Elementary school, I could not get the best rank.
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b. He is a smart boy
I was an eighth grade. I was F class and I had new friends there. In eighth class, Amalia and I were separate. She was in C class but Windu’s class was same with me.
There, I met Rizal. He is a smart kind person. He was expert in math and science but actually he preferred match more. I do not know why I could not understanding math exactly. It was hard for me to study about it. The loading was too long. Every time teacher tough me, I had to try hard to understand what the subject that had given by him. I used to ask for Rizal assist in studying that subject.
So, when the first semester Rizal got a first rank and I got a second. I was very sad but Rizal was a proper student that could get the first.
About my friendship, I had other close friends; there were Yunita, Yuli, Wita, Linda and so on. Then I was being a bad girl. I am a Moslem and I have matured because I have menstruation, so I have to wear a veil to close my aurat as woman. Nevertheless, I put off my veil when I was playing with them. On the way home, I just wore it back because I did not want if my parents knew my bad act. I am sorry my parents that I was lying.
I followed the inter-school quiz competitions in Husainiyah Boarding School in Pmaoyanan, Cicalengka, Bandung. The theme was about Islamic Religious Education. My group was Faisal and Rizal. We outperformed the first half against Al-ma'soem Junior High School. In the second half, Al-ma'soem Junior High School has conducted fraud. One of their teachers gave answers to the participants. Finally, our group was narrowly defeated.
I thought that I had to change my study to improve my achievement. So, I studied hard to prepare my second exam. The result was I got my first rank back in my grasp. I just can not believe that I was a first rank in my class and even in my school. I can not believe that I could defeat Nur Aisyah; she was the best student ever.
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c. The first time I know her
I was a ninth grade then and I met Nurul Luthfi Fauziah in B class. I know her when my friend said that he likes her. I used to be a mediator for them until they were be a couple.
I was being with Nurul Luthfi; but I just call her Upi. I also was being with UCi/Amalia, Windu, Hendra, Faisal and Siti. We used to gather anywhere and anytime and the conflict began.
YUnita and Siti Aminah was angry with me, actually with Upi and my others friends. They were being jealous when I was with them. They thought that Upi and the others grabbed me from them. They never gave me smile or say hello to me. I was so sad at that time but I realize that God only knows.
I let that problem flow. Finally, they smile at me and say hello again. I try to make friends with everyone.
Uci and Upi was my best friends. Whenever and wherever I was were them. We were like a postage stamp. A lot of teachers said that.
Upi and I was a true best friends. We had same hobby and even though a typical boy. We ever like same boy. It was really shameful. It was not problem for us. Our friendship was closer and closer.
Beside my best friend, Upi was my enemy in getting achievement but sometimes we made a cooperation in doing the test. It was a bad habit I think. One shameful!
Upi joined OSIS but I was not. I just join basketball though I could not play that game. I also join the English Course in Izma collage for about one year. There I study with Mr. Amid and studying with Senior High School students, Uci and also with Upi.
The bad experience there when I was asked by Mr.Amid to memorize the conversation. I was being hard to memorize it. So, he said that if I could not memorize it, I was not permitted to go home until I could.
So, it made me easily to memorize something especially English. At that time, I love English.
In the ninth grade, Upi was my rival. She is a smart girl thought she was vengeful and stubborn.
The time before the result of first semester was announced, we were very nervous but when it was announced, I was very happy because I could defend my achievement. I got a first rank again and Upi was in the second.
Our friendship was so amazing. I love her so much. She was seems like my real sister. Everything we told each other. Sometimes the unimportant things could be a great sharing.
We could not be separated. Even the Senior High School that we wanted to continue had to be same. She had disappointed to her parents because they asked her to study in Boarding School. But finally, her parents permitted her to continue to Bina Muda Senior High School with Uci and me.
In the National Examination, we were all passing. There was no a first rank but there were two first ranks. They were Upi and I because our remark was same.
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CHAPTER IV BEST FRIENDS IN MY DAYS (PART II)
a. True Friend or True Love?
In the Senior High School we had to follow “Ospek”. Ospek is a program that makes the student knows the others students or knows their senior.
We had to follow the role of the senior. We had to come at 6, wear a hat which made by carton, and so on.
Then, we were divided into 10 groups. I was J group. There, I met someone interesting. I did not know his name actually. I just forgot his name. I just know that his name was Ari but I did not think so.
Ospek was over. It was the time that I wait for. I was a student in Senior High School. I just prepared a new material for my study; a new shoes that I used to wear in my house because I was really impatient to wear it, then a new uniform and so on.
I was in I class. I could not believe that the interesting boy was in the same class. I looked at all of side of the classes. Oh my God, there were also Uci and Upi and Rika my new best friend. We sat in back side.
I was so shock when the teachers called our names one by one. I was so shame because my guess about his name was wrong. He was not Ari but Ridha.
Then, I was so disappointed with my PAI teacher. He matched Rika and Ridha and I have matched with Amin. Amin was a strange people. It was shameful.
This was a nightmare, I thought. Amin shoot me. He said that he loved me and wanted to be my boy friend. I was so shock. I don not love him but I could not hurt him. So, I asked my best friends advice first.
They said that I had to accept his love. The reason was I was the one who did not have boy friend. It was a hard decision for me to decide whether I accept or not.
Finally, I accepted his ask with Upi’s compulsion. It was really shameful. My father knew this. He was my teacher, Sociology’s teacher. He made this shameful thing became a great gossip in my class. Dad oh Dad…
When he asked me to go home together, I used to try to hide from his vision. That was also a shameful.
Three months had gone. We are friend. I am so happy at that time. My friendship between Ridha and I are closer and closer. I regard him as my brother.
My rival in Senior High school was added but I could defeat them not only in the first semester but also in second semester.
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b. I as social creature
In eleventh grade, I decide to choose Language program. So, I had to separate with Upi, Uci, and Rika but Ridha’s class was same with me. Though we were separated in class but at the break time, we used to gather as usual. Some of our teachers said that we could not be separate. That’s our wish of course.
In the eleventh grade Uci and I followed OSIS but Upi and Ridha did not. I also joined PASKIBRA but I did not accepted in Bandung regency.





1.6 When we were showing in MOPD 2007

In OSIS, I was being committee of MOPD for our junior. I was being a documentation section.

1.7 Here we were in MOPD program. There were I, Rika, Upi, and Uci

When we were in second semester, Ridha and Upi was joining OSIS too. Our relationship became closer and closer in OSIS cooperation. Fahrul, my brother became a head of OSIS, Upi became a head of Financial section, and I became a vice of Financial Section.
In next MOPD, Ridha became a head of program, Upi became a financial section, and I became a documentation section.
In the Inauguration of new students, I was also being a documentation section but the bad things that I have done there was staying at camp and taking a picture with Upi or sometimes sleep there. It made Ridha, the head of programmer was mad at us.









1.8 The time when we were used to do in inauguration-Kiara Payung

In the last our OSIS program was Leave-Taking of our senior because they had been passing the final examination. We made a great program for our senior who had been passing the national Examination. The program were “Longser” a traditional culture of West Java which performances by Tambang Theater; Art performing by skilful students, such as band, theater, choir, “degung”, and so on.

1.9 The art performing
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c. When life is a choice
In the thirteenth grade, we stopped any kind of our activities except studying because we would pass the national examination. I did not attend PASKIBRA because I war really tired out. So, I was laid-off by the head of PASKIBRA. It was never mind for me.
The great challenge began. It began two weeks before my 17th birthday. My best friend, Upi told me that I had changed. I seem not I was. We were hardly to see and going home together. I was defeated. It was not my fault, I think. Due to she rejected my asking to gather and going home as usual. She used to have another agenda with her classmate and it happened more and more.
At that time, I used to get bad massages from her. She showed her mad at me. I felt that I slighted. Then, I used to cry. I apologized, but she did not forgive me.
The last day before my birthday, we were meeting. I tried to ask why she mad at me but I slighted again. Ridha felt at this way, he seems so mad at her, so he decided to leave us and permitted to go to toilet.
When we were going to go home together, I said that we had to wait for him, but they just leaved me alone. I was really confused at that time. Then, she sent me a massage “Our problem is clear. You more choose him than me.” It made my tears could not be stopped.
He wiped away my tear and asking me to celebrate my birthday at the movie. Surprisingly, Uci and Upi was coming to my house to give some surprise for me. They were really disappointed when I was not there. Yeah, It just a surprise.
Finally, she was really mad at me. It was real and true and did not just a surprise. All day, I apologized but she did not. She used send me a rough words. I just could cry. I decided to come to her classroom to apologize in front of her classmate and hug her (the moment was the break time of exam) but she kept slighted me. All day, she gave me a letter with worse words.
The other day, she said that she forgave me, so he asked me to accompany her to come to the art stage in our school. But as you know, she still slighted me. I seem like a strange people in her life.
At that time, my favorite song was “hurt” by Christina Aguilera.
"Hurt"
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of whom I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
Though she became different, but the friendship between Ridha and I become closer and closer.
♥♣♥♣










CHAPTER V BATTEL HEART
a. No Regret
We had passed the National Examination. We held a graduation ceremony at the Bandung zoo. We went there by train. It was a pleasant experience for us even if only to the zoo, because the most important thing is the togetherness with my beloved friends.







1.9 The beautiful moment with my beloved friends (RUBAH: Revublic Bahasa); Republic Language at Bandung Zoo

We did not feel ashamed to go there even though most tourists who visit were children of kindergarten or elementary school.
After refreshing my body and my mind, I tried to register to the ITB to continue my education through scholarships. I choose English literature course, but I failed.
Then, I wanted to try college at UPI with a major in English Education. When I asked for the approval of my father, he seemed confused when I saw an entrance fee UPI. I understand his decision. My father must not only educate me but also my brother. It made me have to cancel my intentions. With a disappointed heart eventually I accepted his decision.
Then, I asked for permission to study at UIN, but my father asked me to continue to UNINUS. I really do not like with his proposal. With the help of my aunt, I was finally able to list PPA (Assessment of Academic Achievement). I selected English Education majors as a first choice, but I did not fill the second choice.
Then I passed the selection phase of the administration, so it can proceed to the interview stage. I took the test with friends after high school, especially Upi and Uci. Our friendship was being better then before.
Unfortunately we did not pass the test. We felt disappointed. So, my friend asked us to accompany him to watch movie at Jatos (Jatinangor Town Square), the movie was “Ketika Cinta Bertasbih”. Before going to the movie, I called my father to tell that I failed. My father just smiled and trying to reassured me not to give up.
I did not give up until there. I tried to remain strong although my heart was so disappointed. So I tried again to take the next Trials test. I took a written test even if fathers did not so agree. He desperately wanted me to be a teacher like him, but the English teacher of course. He was so worried if I did not pass to English Education.
Then I consulted with one of his lecturers at UIN, a friend of my aunt. He said that it was no problems for me though I passed at English Literature Department, because I could move my program in next third semester.
I tried to tell my father about that. Finally, my father agrees. I took a written test. Before the test I followed BIMTEST (Test Guidance) with my friend, named Erna. When I joined this program, I met Ridha with his niece, named Shintia. They also joined BIMTEST.
We were joining this guidance test course in Islamic Guidance major. There, I made friends and knowledge.
When the test began, I was so hard to answer the test especially Math, Science and Arabic.
Then, we were waiting for the result. Finally, the announced was announced. Ridha pass the test and take a Public Relation Department; Erna takes Elementary School Teacher Education; Shintia did not pass, so she decided to follow SNMPTN; I passed the second choice, English Department.

♥♣♥♣
c. Welcome to My parade
Before becoming a student at Islamic State University, we had to follow Orientation of academic recognition (OPAK). I slept over my aunt because I did not want to late. I went there with my brother, Fahrul.
There, I made a friends and had a great experiences. I got knowledge there.
After that, I officially became a student at the State Islamic University. I entered in the class BSI-E. I get lots of new friends there. There also I found my close friends are most precious; Shanti, Sari, cika, Nuh, Sopi, and Nci.
For some reason we can be together. I do not know, but we feel comport for each other to share our sadness and joy. We can do the work together, learn together, eat lunch together, and even watch a football game or basketball though. Whenever and wherever, especially around the campus, as though we can not be separated.




1.10 Here we are…

I also get a lot of new friends who very enjoyable. They are nice and friendly. Beside them, I got a lot of fun friends in another department.
Ridha and Fahrul are in Faculty of Communication Sciences; Erna are in Elementary School Teacher Education; Shintia are in Biology science. So, they introduced their friends to me, and so do I. Well, I got a lot of friends in my life.
I just want to say….
Welcome to My Parade…











CHAPTER VI
WISE WORDS


"Difficulties are opportunities to better things; they are stepping stones to greater experience. Perhaps someday you will be thankful for some temporary failure in a particular direction. When one door closes, another always opens." ~ Brian Adams

"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever." ~ Isak Dinesen

“I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.” ~ Walter Anderson

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." (Christopher Robin to Pooh in Pooh's Grand Adventure, Movie) - Characters based on writings of A. A. Milne